My Boss Skip

Many years ago I worked for a large commercial contractor out of San Francisco. Our branch office was in Monterey. The boss was a maniac who despite being in his 50s still called himself Skip.

Our project involved the fastest track for construction I’d even seen in my life. The money was outstanding and the budget for this project was unlimited. We had every resource at our fingertips but the timeframes were nearly impossible. Our client had only one rule… Never say it can’t be done, just make it happen.

The first week I discovered I’d made a huge mistake working for Skip. I decided that if he didn’t fire me within the first month, I’d quit then, after giving it 30 days. Even the thought of being fired sooner was a relief. He was a screamer, a desk banger, a loud obnoxious idiot and control freak.

On a Friday afternoon the first week, I got a call from the client with an outrageous request to get 5 steel beams installed on site, get them bead blasted then painted black and have the site cleaned. All by Monday morning. I started frantically making calls to steel beam suppliers, haulers, welders, bead blasters, painters, and cleaners who could work over the weekend with practically no notice.

Twenty minutes into my calls (it’s getting closer to 5 p.m. and my chance to catch anyone in their shop is diminishing by the minute), the world’s worst boss, Skip storms in and starts hollering while I’m on a call. I frantically make hand signals involving my headset when I really want to say “Shut The Fuck Up” I couldn’t hear what Skip was yelling, what the other person on the phone was saying and I was getting closer to breaking my deal with myself not to quit until I’d given it 30 days.

This was not the first time Skip had completely disrupted an urgent phone call with his screaming. So the next week I walked into his office. He actually had a smaller office than I did, so standing on the other side of his desk I was in very close quarters when I shut the door behind me. I calmly stood there and explained to him that when he screamed while I was on the phone I could not accomplish anything or hear anything. I paused and gathered my courage and told him that the very next time he interrupted my phone calls, I was going to pull a squirt gun out of my desk and spray him.

Then I stood there and waited to get fired and waited and waited. He was silent but started to turn red and started shaking. Apparently he wasn’t going to fire me. I stood there a while longer then said, “ok?” and turned and walked out.

As predicted, the very next day he walked in screaming while I talked on the phone. I never used the squirt gun, I just glared at him and made my finger and thumb into a “gun” shape and pointed at him. He turned and left, whispering “I’ll come back”.


Skip’s reign of terror continued in other ways. I stayed on for almost three years. Yes, the pay was incredible and one of the main reasons I stayed. The other reason was that my office had the most fantastic view of the wharf and Monterey Bay. And they hired an incredible assistant, Sharon to help me. She was one of the main reasons I could get through a day and one of the major reasons for my success with that client. The client and the project carried a lot of prestige and I was grateful to be the Project Manager.

After about a month of the screaming and yelling, amazingly enough, I no longer heard what Skip was yelling about. It didn’t usually matter, so I started seeing his face as a big colorful clown face and circus music would come cranking out of his head. I’d pretend to watch the show. In my imagination, I’d applaud when he was done. Then I’d go on with my work.

I don’t think of myself as vengeful but we did find small ways to get back at Skip. One of our favorite ways involved Jamba Juice, a local juice bar which offers “boosts” to your drink. For instance, they offer vitamin boosts, or boosts for cold and germ fighting. We’d always order the Fem Boost for Skip, hoping for a kinder, gentler Skip. We agreed to quit if he started growing breasts.

I ended up turning in my notice after completing the contract with our client. I’m proud to say that my projects were the most profitable for the company I worked for. The projects turned out beautifully and I still visit them once a year.