How much for that dog bite?

I have only been bitten by a dog twice in my life. Once when I was about ten years old, the other last month.

We were preparing to replace a deck that had been torn from a house by a falling tree in one of our windy winter storms. I usually go to the surrounding neighbors to let them know we’ll be in the area and to call me if they have any concerns about parking, debris or noise during construction. We pass out a marketing letter we call our Debris Letter. It’s actual purpose is to see if they want any work done while we are in their neighborhood.

I started up the next door neighbor’s driveway and heard a hound dog bark, followed by the hound dog charging down the driveway towards me. He stood in front of me barking and growling and I knew with certainty I would be bit. I didn’t want to be bit in the hands, so I held them up. And I didn’t want to be bit in the ass, so I didn’t turn around. The moment I took a small step backwards he lunged and got me in the left thigh. Did he break skin? Yep, a good deep puncture wound.

I left a card and note on the owner’s truck, parked on the street. He called me shortly thereafter. What an asshole! He was as aggressive as his hound dog. I told him to put up a Beware of Dog sign warning that his unleashed dog would bite. Obviously I never would have walked up the driveway had there been a warning sign. To which he informed me that he could probably “get me for trespassing”. Huh? Apparently he expected to get sued, so he was already on the attack. He went on to tell me that he had little kids that needed protection. Pity the small kids who come over there to play at face level!

I was sorely tempted to report his dog to the local SPCA who would have quarantined the dog, fined the owner and forced them to keep the dog leashed. I was never tempted to sue, that’s not my way.

Eventually, a Beware of Dog sign popped up on his driveway. He’d called several times to see if I was OK and mostly to make sure I really was not going to sue him.

Meanwhile I was trying to find a way to remove this gigantic tree and root ball which had fallen over and crushed the deck. The insurance company was only willing to pay $1,300 and I could not find anybody to remove it for that price. I hate losing money on even one item, so I was in a funk about how much it was going to cost out of my pocket above the $1300 from the insurance claim. Lo and Behold the neighbor with the biting dog called me one afternoon and told me he had a front loader and dump truck at his house that day and did I want to pay him to remove the tree and root ball?

“Well, sure, how much?” I asked “How about $600?” he asked. “Uh, well, I guess that would work” I told him. Quietly jumping up and down in my office on the other end of the phone line.

So a dog bite is worth $700.

Gary's Rule

One day when I was griping to my friend Gary about an employee who was not working out, he said...

"You can never fire a guy too soon, but you can always fire a guy too late."

How many times have I delayed firing an employee only to have it affect the other great employees? I waited too long and Raging Roy threw a tool in anger on a jobsite and scared one of my most loyal employees Casey. I waited too long and Dominic took a razor and cut his own arm and scared and shocked hard working David. I waited too long and Larry had the opportunity to scream at me on a jobsite and totally melt down, calling me names involving anatomical words he'd never use on a guy.
You're fired! I quit! You're fired! I quit!

Note to self - when in doubt apply Gary's Rule.

Taking the HIT for Deadbeat Contractors

It's not bad enough that I get hit as soon as I step in the front door. I spend the first 30 minutes assuring a new client we are not the nightmares that all their friends had on their remodels. I have to explain that it's just standard everyday policy that we show up on time, on the day we say we'll be there. I have to assure them that we stay on the job until it's complete. We don't abandon their job for days at a time to go work elsewhere while their place is torn apart. And when the surf is up and the swell is from the northeast, we will NOT be surfing, we'll still be working.

I get so tired of trying to convince new clients that we are not there to rip them off, destroy their home, do a crappy job and run off with the money.

So today I expect a progress payment to pay for the completed tile portion of the project, which has gone beautifully. My client insists on holding back money because - and I quote - "her designer was on a job where the tile guys screwed up the marble with the wrong sealer". Apparently she expects us to do the same bonehead maneuver and she wants to make sure she witholds enough of my well-deserved payment to recover the cost - just in case we as as incompetent as her designers worst case.

I'm so damn sick of taking the hits for all the deadbeat contractors in this town!

Interviewing potential employees

Every day I meet at least one person looking for a job. Never have there been so many people who fax me a resume, call to ask if we’re hiring, show up at the door looking for work, or e-mail me looking for job openings. On larger jobsites around town, spray painted signs hang on the fencing saying, “Not Hiring”.

Today I agreed to meet James, sent over by an architect. My main job during an interview is to get to know the person and determine their experience in the first 15 minutes. I’ve developed a checklist of questions pertaining to the various trades in construction.

Usually I weed out the guys without vehicles, without valid drivers licenses and the guys without tools. “I just sold them” means his work isn’t that important.

I started going through my checklist with James. So far so good, drivers license, a large assortment of tools and a van. He drifted off on stories right away and I had to reel him back in. I worry when a guy comes in and tries to dominate the conversation during an interview. Just answer the questions!

Then I asked if he could read blueprints. “uh yea, I read a book about it. I understand about the symbols and stuff.” So to clarify I asked if he’d ever built anything using blueprints and he talked some more about the books he read on it. “So, the answer is that you haven’t built off prints?” “Well”, he explained “my dad is an architect and I grew up around this stuff, so you could say it’s in my blood.” “So I’m hiring your dad too?” I asked, my patience quickly running out.

When guys tell me that their dad/brother/friend has a certain skill when I’m asking about their skill level, it’s a problem. Construction knowledge is not hereditary and it can’t be transferred from friends and if they’ve only “seen” their friend use a skill, it does not mean they acquired that skill.

Next I asked about his experience with stucco. Immediately he veered off to a tangent, rambling and rambling. Did he have any stucco experience? Turns out he took a window out once from a house that had stucco. I cannot figure out why it took four minutes to get to “no stucco experience”.

We moved on to framing, electrical and plumbing. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that installing plate covers on outlets and switches is not considered “finish electrical”. I was becoming frustrated with five minute answers in lieu of “no I don’t have experience in fill-in-the-blank”. Finally I told him that we only had ten minutes, so we better move on to the next topic.

It was becoming obvious that he was not experienced in construction. So I tried again by asking what jobs he had done and who he had worked for. Another warning bell went off. He described working for his mother. Never a good sign. Working for your folks is not necessarily construction experience. It usually falls under chores or hobbies. It’s also impossible to get an accurate confirmation or referral from mom or dad.

Clearly, he did not fit in with the apprentice level guys but I thought maybe I could hire him as labor if his rate was low enough. “How much are you looking for as an hourly wage?” I asked. The answer a guy gives will tell you an awful lot. If they don’t know what they’re worth, it’s very, very low. If they know exactly what they are worth and hour and confidently state it while looking you in the eyes, then that’s what you will end up paying them. But if they flounder around, they are fishing and do not know what they are worth. So James tells me his wage, it’s “between $15 and $20 an hour”. How many employers do you think will pay a dime more than $15 at that point? Not even one.

I’ll continue to interview potential employees when they take the time to stop by. There are a few gold nuggets out there, but sifting through the debris to find them can be comical.

Graham's Legendary Briefcase

On one of my commercial projects with an international construction company, my boss told me that they were sending a Superstar Supervisor to run the site. He warned me though, Graham is from Tennessee, an Irish good ole’ boy and we’re not sure if he’s going to work well with a female Project Manager. I expected trouble.

For the next couple of weeks, I heard all about Graham, some of his incredible projects, some of his amazing feats and successes. I also got a detailed description of his legendary briefcase. Apparently, even though Graham was married with two toddlers, he traveled a lot for work and liked to stop in topless bars along the way. To document his travels, he had photos of himself with numerous topless dancers spanning the U.S. He kept these photos locked up, taped to the upper lid of his briefcase, so when he opened it, he could re-live his glory.

A year earlier, someone had stolen his briefcase off the jobsite. Ever since that night, he lived in mortal fear of that briefcase with all it’s photographic evidence, finding it’s way back to Tennessee where his wife was home with the kids while he worked all over the country.

When he arrived on site, he fit his description with one exception. Indeed he was a big strong good ole’ boy from Tennessee who looked as if he’d worked in construction his entire life. The exception, fortunately for me, he did work well with women. We forged a tremendous team.

One day I was on site taking photographs to document our progress. At one angle, Graham was in the photo and he scurried off to the side. Jokingly I said, “Aw come on, don’t you want to be in a photograph for my briefcase?” He came unglued at my comment and started raging around the room asking where I heard about his briefcase and denying it’s existence. You mean to tell me that the Briefcase was just another construction legend?

In the end we built a fantastic project, pleasing our difficult and demanding client and making a hefty profit for the company we worked for. It’s been almost eight years since we worked together and I last saw Graham and I still think of him often.

Construction Terms and Sayings

Shit load is not an actual construction measurement.

Fart fan is completely interchangeable with bathroom exhaust fan.

Board Stretcher - no such thing Newbie, now go get the lefthanded screwdriver.

Pond Dried - lumber that has not been dried. You can tell because wet lumber is very heavy.

The Boneyard is an area behind your Tile Store where they toss scrap tile. A good resource for small tile projects and art projects. Other suppliers call the area with stored leftover material a boneyard even though it doesn't quite fit with windows or doors.

P.O.S. is a "piece of shit" - a vacant houses left unattended for years, sometimes uncared for rental properties fall into this category.

First rule of timeframes - sometimes it can’t happen any faster…
“You can’t get nine women pregnant and have a baby in a month, sometimes it just takes the full nine months.”

My Boss Skip

Many years ago I worked for a large commercial contractor out of San Francisco. Our branch office was in Monterey. The boss was a maniac who despite being in his 50s still called himself Skip.

Our project involved the fastest track for construction I’d even seen in my life. The money was outstanding and the budget for this project was unlimited. We had every resource at our fingertips but the timeframes were nearly impossible. Our client had only one rule… Never say it can’t be done, just make it happen.

The first week I discovered I’d made a huge mistake working for Skip. I decided that if he didn’t fire me within the first month, I’d quit then, after giving it 30 days. Even the thought of being fired sooner was a relief. He was a screamer, a desk banger, a loud obnoxious idiot and control freak.

On a Friday afternoon the first week, I got a call from the client with an outrageous request to get 5 steel beams installed on site, get them bead blasted then painted black and have the site cleaned. All by Monday morning. I started frantically making calls to steel beam suppliers, haulers, welders, bead blasters, painters, and cleaners who could work over the weekend with practically no notice.

Twenty minutes into my calls (it’s getting closer to 5 p.m. and my chance to catch anyone in their shop is diminishing by the minute), the world’s worst boss, Skip storms in and starts hollering while I’m on a call. I frantically make hand signals involving my headset when I really want to say “Shut The Fuck Up” I couldn’t hear what Skip was yelling, what the other person on the phone was saying and I was getting closer to breaking my deal with myself not to quit until I’d given it 30 days.

This was not the first time Skip had completely disrupted an urgent phone call with his screaming. So the next week I walked into his office. He actually had a smaller office than I did, so standing on the other side of his desk I was in very close quarters when I shut the door behind me. I calmly stood there and explained to him that when he screamed while I was on the phone I could not accomplish anything or hear anything. I paused and gathered my courage and told him that the very next time he interrupted my phone calls, I was going to pull a squirt gun out of my desk and spray him.

Then I stood there and waited to get fired and waited and waited. He was silent but started to turn red and started shaking. Apparently he wasn’t going to fire me. I stood there a while longer then said, “ok?” and turned and walked out.

As predicted, the very next day he walked in screaming while I talked on the phone. I never used the squirt gun, I just glared at him and made my finger and thumb into a “gun” shape and pointed at him. He turned and left, whispering “I’ll come back”.


Skip’s reign of terror continued in other ways. I stayed on for almost three years. Yes, the pay was incredible and one of the main reasons I stayed. The other reason was that my office had the most fantastic view of the wharf and Monterey Bay. And they hired an incredible assistant, Sharon to help me. She was one of the main reasons I could get through a day and one of the major reasons for my success with that client. The client and the project carried a lot of prestige and I was grateful to be the Project Manager.

After about a month of the screaming and yelling, amazingly enough, I no longer heard what Skip was yelling about. It didn’t usually matter, so I started seeing his face as a big colorful clown face and circus music would come cranking out of his head. I’d pretend to watch the show. In my imagination, I’d applaud when he was done. Then I’d go on with my work.

I don’t think of myself as vengeful but we did find small ways to get back at Skip. One of our favorite ways involved Jamba Juice, a local juice bar which offers “boosts” to your drink. For instance, they offer vitamin boosts, or boosts for cold and germ fighting. We’d always order the Fem Boost for Skip, hoping for a kinder, gentler Skip. We agreed to quit if he started growing breasts.

I ended up turning in my notice after completing the contract with our client. I’m proud to say that my projects were the most profitable for the company I worked for. The projects turned out beautifully and I still visit them once a year.

Ringtones tell the story

The employees of Cardinal Construction are the secret to my success. I’m fully aware that without their hard work and loyalty I’d be nowhere. Working with people I like (both clients and employees) is a priority to me. Making a lot of money comes in about third place, behind making sure clients are delighted with their project when we finish.

One of my most loyal employees, Dale came to me for a job by way of his friend Raging Roy, who worked with us briefly. (See Gary’s Rule) Dale works long and hard, never complains, he finds creative solutions to problems we encounter, clients adore him and have on occasion tried to “adopt” him.

He never schedules time off and it’s his pattern is to work himself into a state of frustration once or twice a a year, then have a little breakdown involving a few unscheduled days off. As time goes on, I seek the signs of this pattern and try to alleviate his frustrations before the breaking point. Maybe some day he’ll get to the point where he plans a vacation. But for now, I keep my eyes and ears open for the signs.

When calling his cell phone, the message always said, "please enjoy the music while your party is reached", then would play a downloaded song of his choice. I’d gotten used to singing along with the same old song while waiting to go to voicemail when one day it suddenly changed. “Take this job and shove it” sang from the other end of the phone. Apparently things were coming to a boil again. I called him into the office and chatted about his message. He found it funny, I was offended. The next day his message sang “I Saw the Light” and the next week it was back to “Hard Working Man”.

One of our more recent employees Bryan has the most obnoxious head banger music, I cannot even understand the lyrics. His evil plan is working because I call only when absolutely necessary. I’ve even offered to pay him to change his downloaded musical choice. The rate fluctuates; early in the morning I'd pay much more than I would at the end of the day.

The guys also have special ringtones to differentiate who is calling. Today I was on the site and Dale's phone rang with some foot-tapping country song. "Well, we know it's not you calling", he said. I asked him if my special ringtone is Elton John's song "The Bitch is Back"? He just stood there for a minute deciding if it was ok to laugh (it was).

Dire Hires

1. Never hire someone whose spouse or girlfriend calls for them, the spouse or girlfriend is the only one who wants him to work.
2. If they don’t know their rate of pay, it’s probably so low it’s not worth it.
3. Never hire anyone who is currently collecting unemployment, they will do the same with you eventually.
4. Never hire anyone who smells like beer (fresh or stale)
5. Don’t believe the stories if they seem unbelievable.
6. Never hire a guy who has sold all his tools in hard times
7. Listen to every nuance when checking references.
8. Figuratively speaking, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince